Wise words from a mommy

A friend said something really profound the other day that stuck with me...

"...how my child behaves does not define me."

Ethan and I were at a play group, which let's be honest is for the kids but is REALLY for the mommies :)  We were discussing behavior and those embarrassing moments when our children have an all lights out...freak-out moment.  My friend was giving an example of her child having a meltdown and after she told the story she said, "It has taken me years to realize that how my child behaves does not define me."

I chewed on that for a second because that is exactly what I have done and do.  I can become easily humiliated if Ethan screams in the middle of the grocery store, squeals in the middle of church or relentlessly cries during a long car ride.  I feel an overwhelming need to apologize to others for his behavior.  I even think, "Do people think I'm a bad mom?"

Here was the conclusion that was drawn.  We raise our children with morals, standards and good values.  We try to teach them good from bad, right from wrong and how to think for themselves.  We can teach and teach and teach but ultimately our children will make their own decisions.  We cannot control the outcome of all situations nor can we forecast their reactions.  The choices our children make or how our children act do not define us as people or parents.  We cannot be consumed with what others think but rather take those moments of "disaster" and try to teach them, again:)

I know it's SO much easier to write that down.  I'm working on it myself...daily.

Our precious baby...

As some of you may already know....Matt and I experienced some major complications with my pregnancy on July 4th.  Over the last week, I was monitored and tested only to find out that we miscarried our child.  While we are both broken hearted, we also feel a peace about everything.  Matt and I know that our precious child is in the glorious presence of our Lord.  

I wanted to thank our family and friends for being so supportive over the past week.  It has been a difficult time but we could definitely feel your prayers and support. Thank you does not express our sincere gratitude.

God bless you.
XOXO

Let's be honest...I don't have it together

In a social media-driven world, we strive to produce our best.  We show our home at it's cleanest, our children at their happiest and us sipping Mai Tai's at the beach. I often find myself doing just that...only producing my best for the world to see. Nobody can see the mounds of laundry piling up, our children screaming (while we are ripping out our hair), and our weekends that are filled with fighting.  We laugh...because we are all probably doing the same thing.

You may be thinking, "Why would you ever want to air your dirty laundry?"  That's true and I completely understand.  That's not really where I am going with this post.  

When things aren't going great in the house, I find myself looking at other people on social media networks and getting jealous.  

"Ugh, she looks so good for just having a child!"  

"How is she able to do so many Pinterest projects?"

"I wish I could keep my house that clean."

"Wow, she actually got a shower today?"

"When can we go on a vacation like that?"

"Their marriage seems so perfect."

The list could go on and on.  When my not-so-facebook-worthy moments are in full swing, I find myself wanting someone else's more "perfect life."  Then I think...I bet people think that MY life is perfect too.  I mean, I only post the best.  I'm not writing these sorts of posts...

"Matt and I got in a massive fight last night and didn't apologize before bed."

"Ethan's screaming is paving the way for him to be an only child."

"The dog didn't even want the dinner I just made."

...And the list could go on and on.  I'm not posting the things that make me a real and relatable person.  I'm human.  I make MASSIVE mistakes.  I don't have life together.  I'm not perfect.  I do get stressed.  I do have lazy days that consist of nothing but staying in my PJs and laying on the couch. I do eat at McDonald's sometimes.  My husband and I don't always get along.  Ethan has annoyed me (yes, it's true).  I do forget to take the dog out and ignore his warning barks...and then he poops by my front door.  I accidentally shrink clothes in the dryer. (sorry babe)

Let's be honest...I don't always have it together.

I imagine I'm not the only person who is thinking this way either.  So I'm going to charge myself to remember this.  We are all imperfect people who are on this journey of life, together.  We are not perfect, nor will we ever be.  

**Only Christ is perfect**

Trying to keep up with life...

Life has been CRAZY lately.  I'm definitely not bored and have plenty to do.  We just got back from 4 days in Boston, a week in California and with mother's day coming up, Lauren's birthday, Micah's birthday party, Grandma visiting, my parent's anniversary, my father-in-laws birthday, planning our vacation to Myrtle beach, church, small groups, Etsy, Ebay, Craigslist, laundry, cleaning, gardening, working out, working on my photo albums and re-doing our place (a bit)....I'm beyond worn out!!  Don't get me wrong, I thrive on staying busy.  In fact, I love it.  I am overly organized and like to complete a task at a time....one foot after the other.  I'm trying to figure out my massive to-do list so I can get things accomplished:)

This probably wan't even a blog-worthy post but I felt the need to ramble and write down all the things I have to do.

Anyways, wish me luck!!

I miss being pregnant...

I never thought I would say this...but I miss being pregnant.

As many of you know, I had a rough pregnancy.  From the first couple weeks and up through my delivery, I had severe morning sickness.  I was on phenogren, zofran and sucking on countless preggo pops.  I was so hungry and yet the site of food made me nauseous.  Each morning I would adjust my schedule by 20-30 minutes in order to have my daily "bow to the porcelain gods" time.  Sickness made me late for work and had me running to the bathroom while meeting with students.  It was rough.

Another pleasant experience was the countless bathroom breaks.  HOLY COW!!  I didn't realize how many times I would need to go to the bathroom....especially in my final trimester.  One day at work I remember counting my bathroom runs....drum roll.....14!!  That's right, 14!  Let's just say my productivity had significantly declined.

I also remember how extremely tired and exhausted I was.  I'm not complaining here, it just hit me like a brick wall.  I would get 8-10 hours of sleep at night and yet I caught myself falling asleep at my desk.  I secretly positioned myself in a way that allowed me to nod off and look like I was intently working all at the same time.  It was brilliant!!  I remember a few afternoons where I had to go home for lunch and take a nap.  One afternoon I couldn't get up and ended up sleeping through the rest of the work day.  How horrible is that?!?!  Don't worry...I used a half vacay day for it.

And then there was the swelling, back pains, mood swings and zits.  I mean, it sucked.  It really did.

But 8 months after having my sweet baby Ethan, all I think about is...wow, I really miss being pregnant!!  I miss feeling those kicks.  Feeling his movements and knowing that nobody else knew what I was feeling at that exact moment.  I miss feeling his hiccups inside of me (and golly did he get them often).  I miss the bond of knowing that each morsel of food I ingested was feeding him.  I miss knowing that we were attached...physically and emotionally.

The joyous parts of pregnancy completely overshadow the hard parts.

Debating a big run...

So Matt and I have really been enjoying our workouts together.  Not only do we get a massive exercising high, working out has become a great time to just talk.  Outside of our regular workouts, we have started running.  Each year Matt runs the Columbus Half Marathon and he keeps asking me to run it with him. He is convinced that THIS year is MY year!  HAHAHA...I'm skeptical.  I mean, I can currently run 2 miles without stopping or really breaking a sweat but let's be honest...that's 2 miles, not 13.1!  Regardless, I'm going to keep running and slowly increasing my run time and distance.

We are signed up to participate in the Columbus Color Run this coming July!  I'm SO super excited I can barely stand it.  I am going to see how that goes and will monitor my progress to debate whether or not I will be running the 13.1 miles of death, HAHA.

To everyone who is working out and trying to hit a certain goal....GOOD LUCK!  I'm rooting for you.  You can do this :-)

Who said being a parent was easy?!

I recently read an article (and posted it to my FB page) that put my thoughts into written word.  In case you didn't have the opportunity to read the article, I wanted to post it here.

I'll be honest...I was quite judgmental prior to having a child.  I remember having these same thoughts and would think, "I do laundry, pay bills, clean my house and grocery shop...all while carrying on a full time job.  What's the issue?"  It wasn't until after I had Ethan that I discovered how warped my thinking really was....and I only have ONE child. I can't imagine how swamped mothers with more are.  

I remember having all these thoughts of, "Wow when I'm a parent I will NEVER..."  Here are some of those thoughts I used to have...that have since changed.

1).  When children would start crying in a restaurant I remember thinking...."Please get up and take your child outside so you don't ruin my meal."  WOW - looking back that was such a selfish thought.  Obviously I didn't know what it was like to go out to eat with a child.  Now that I'm a mom, I recognize that going out to eat takes quite a bit of effort.  You have to come prepared with....well, everything.  Food, diapers, wipes, toys, bibs, burp cloths, extra clothes...etc.  You never know if your child is going to rest quietly or have a random emotional breakdown.  You may have spent the entire day at home with a screaming, teething baby and your sweet hubby wants to take you out to eat as a treat.  Then all hell breaks loose.  People don't know the background story.  They don't know that all you want to do is enjoy just a few more bites of your lukewarm meal before you have to get up, walk out of the restaurant and bounce your baby up and down until he finally (if ever) calms down.  Or your baby might not even be crying. He might just be squealing because recently discovered his vocal cords.  In which case, I don't WANT to get up and walk out of the restaurant for no reason at all.  It's crazy.  Now when I hear a child screaming in a restaurant, I give the mom a, "I totally understand" smile/nod.  You know that smile....it's the Fellowship of Mom's, smile.

2).  When I would be out in public...say a grocery store, I remember seeing children with spit-up, drool and dirt all over their clothes.  They looked a wreck.  I remember thinking, "Don't you wash your child's clothes."  WOW - I was so blinded.  It's amazing how quickly your child's clothes can become disgusting.  Seriously, I put a cute outfit on Ethan and before I can even get out the door, he has puked everywhere.  A puke so large that not even the biggest bib could've prevented it from going everywhere.  You have things to do, places to go, appointments to make and the last thing you have time to do is run upstairs and change him into ANOTHER outfit.  You wipe it off as best you can and head out the door. By the time you get home (which might only be a few hours), your child looks like a hot mess.  Yes, I wash his clothes.  I wash them all the time.  I'm actually washing a huge load of his laundry while writing this blog entry.  Kids are just hard to keep clean.  

3).  In direct relation to the above article...this was my #1 misconception.  I always thought that friends with children were just making excuses.  They were making it seem like it was SO difficult.  I mean you feed, change and rock your baby...what else is there?!  HAHAHAH...warped thinking, huh?  The most trivial tasks take FOREVER to complete.  Yes, tackling a few loads of laundry for the day is a huge accomplishment.  Tackling a few loads of laundry, grocery shopping and making a nice dinner by the time my hubby gets home...well, I feel like I deserve a gold medal.  Not really...but kind of :-).  It's hard work.  Children are unpredictable.  Simple tasks aren't so simple when a child is thrown into the mix.

Don't get me wrong.  I LOOOOOOVE my baby....I mean, I only post about 10 pictures a day on Facebook. Obsession?  Maybe, but I don't care!  I love and adore him...and I want more! I want a whole house filled with loud, crazy and spontaneous children.  As difficult as it is, I love the chaos.  It wears me out but it's awesome. I just realize how much work it really is.  It's hard.  It's rewarding.  It's the best job I could have ever asked for!

I love being a mom.

Keep it up!!

Feeling GREAT!!  Trying to get myself back into shape and live a more active and healthy lifestyle.  I can't do this alone and luckily I have my husband's support.  We are in this together and he really motivates me to push harder and dig deeper.  I couldn't ask for a better life partner.  

Writing this blog post as I just finished another intense workout and I feel incredible.  My face is so read it looks severely sunburnt.  I love the feeling though...releasing those endorphins.  Keep it up, keep it up, KEEP IT UP!

Another trip around the sun.

2012.  What a year!!  And I thought 2011 topped it.  Boy was I in for a whole new year of adventure.  Here are some of the highlights of the year:

Jan 2012

• Had our first ultrasound and "met" Ethan.

June 2012

• Matt was offered a position at Nationwide World Headquarters in Columbus, OH.  

• My mom traveled down to VA (brought my Grandma) and threw me the most incredible baby shower.

• Matt and I sold our house in 8 days.

• We found out that my brother Gabriel was moving from Des Moines to Columbus!

July 2012

• Matt and I move to Columbus, OH during a MAJOR storm which knocked the power out for a WEEK -- in 90 degree weather!

• Matt and I toured our new hospital, found a new OBGYN and took a birthing/parenting class.

• Matt and I started attending Scarlet City Church (which we now call our home church).

August 2012

• One of the most incredible moments of my LIFE - Ethan was born!

October 2012

• Matt and Gabriel run the Nationwide Half Marathon.

• Matt traveled out to California to visit his family for his 29th birthday.

November 2012

• We find out my Dad accepted a new job in Columbus, OH.

• Matt and I spent 4 days in Chicago to celebrate our 1st year anniversary.

December 2012

• We celebrated Ethan's first Christmas.

• My family moves to Columbus.

It has been quite an eventful year!  I am realizing how quickly life passes and I want to relish in each moment it brings.  I am so thankful that I get to stay at home with my peanut and watch all his growth and changes.  I'm sure this year will bring many new adventures, tears and happiness.  You never know what the Lord is going to bring your way.  

These are a few goals that I have set for myself for this year:

1. Grow in my relationship with the Lord.
2. Exercise consistently.
3. Maintain healthy eating habits on WW360.
4. Run a 5K.  Starting with a 5k (starting small) and then working my way up to something bigger.

I wish you all a HAPPY NEW YEAR and wanted to say a huge THANK YOU to all of my dear friends and family for your love, prayer and support throughout the year.  You have been incredible to me and my family and we are overwhelmingly thankful.

Much love xoxo